The Rotgut Files

So close

I recently entered the competition for the official Tales of the Cocktail Ramos Gin Fizz. The idea was to come up with an updated version of the original. I don’t recall all of the rules, but more or less, there had to be milk, egg, citrus, a hydrosol, and no seasonal ingredients. Below is the writeup done by the 3rd place winner:

Ramos in Rangpur by Cameron Bogue

His Inspiration:
“India was the finish line for a motorcycle adventure that took myself and two best friends from Shanghai to Delhi. Over 14 months we rode through China, Southeast Asia and over the Himalayas into India. To this day I still draw inspiration from the people and flavors experienced when creating new cocktails. This ode to India incorporates the infamous Chai Tea that is served out of large copper thermoses on every street corner of the country. It is a mix of black tea, spices, cream and sugar. That is why it is the perfect modifier in a Ramos Gin Fizz.”

While I do not know the recipe, clearly, Chai was the main tweak. And my writeup was not nearly as cool, so that is lesson learned for next year. I think I just said something about how I came up with the flavor pairings, without reference to transcontinental motorcycle trips.

This is what I submitted:

Rama Gin Fizz

2 ounces Haymans Old Tom Gin
1/2 ounce blood orange juice (prominently featured in another top 10 finalist’s recipe)
1.5 ounces Chai infused simple syrup
1.5 ounces cream
1 egg white
splash soda
Rose water

How cool is that?

The Skinny Girl Margarita is What is Wrong with America

I have recently become aware of a new pre mixed beverage, purportedly a Margarita, boasting 100 calories per 4 ounce serving. Said beverage also claims 12.7% alcohol by volume, and retails for around $15 including sales tax.

Some quick math, using the above claims as constraints, indicates that each serving of the Skinny Girl Margarita contains 1.27 ounces of tequila, .16 ounces of agave syrup, lime flavoring, and 2.57 ounces of WATER. So, $9.64 of your $15 investment is being used to purchase, for the fifth, 11.9 ounces of ADDED water. Of course, this assumes truth in packaging for both the 100 calorie claim and the 12.7% alcohol claim, both of which sound dubious, when this concoction is reverse engineered.

I like to think I make a pretty good Margarita, but, my base recipe weighs in at a whopping 189 calories per 4 ounces, and takes about 45 seconds to make, as opposed to the 10 seconds required of the skinny girl. It does, however, contain 20% alcohol by volume, so the skinny girl alcohol equivalent would be 6.28 ounces, or 157 calories. I am not sure anyone would actually measure out 6.28 ounces of skinny girl to get to 20%, since that would require another 35 seconds, and then, why not just make a fresh one, with actual lime?

So, let’s assume that the skinny girl consumer will just go ahead and have 2, maybe 3 servings, of a pricey watered down margarita, manufactured who knows where, with who knows what critter parts per million. The total time investment of making 3 of these would be roughly equivalent to squeezing a lime, and doing a little shaking, but now skinny girl is at 300 calories, and they have polished off half the $15 bottle. That comes to roughly $2.36/4 ounce drink. Now, if you had just made one from scratch using a good, moderately priced tequila (around $30), and decent liqueur (which does not appear to be included in skinny girl), your price per 4 ounce drink comes to $2.68. If you can find a good bargain, and get a bottle for $25, then you have the exact same price per 4 ounces, almost double the tequila, and exponentially better flavor and quality. Of course, when you examine the economics through an alcohol equivalent lens, the homemade version is suddenly far more appealing – $3.71 compared to $2.68! With superior ingredients! And if you insist on a watered down 100 calorie version, take an entire minute and make a pitcher to enjoy for the week, for less than half the cost of the skinny girl (1.60/4 ounces), using the above proportions. Since you probably don’t have lime flavoring laying around, add 6 limes to the mix, which will also add 60 calories to the pitcher. As an aside, the actual recipe on the website is 150 calories-2 oz tequila, splash of liqueur, and lime.

Which brings me to my point: Are we so lazy that we can be convinced through some slick marketing that purchasing a premixed beverage somehow tastes better, and is more economical, than whipping out 3 or 4 actual ingredients and pouring them into a glass? Are we so lazy that we can’t see past the ridiculous claims to figure out we are buying water with calories? This is indeed a frightening harbinger for the decline of our civilization as we know it. But, I am sure this will sell like hotcakes in my two ingredient town.

On the Whiskey Sour

Probably the most bastardized drink in all of cocktail history. Almost never done right in a public space. Almost always saturated with vile ingredients, manufactured somewhere off the Jersey Turnpike, and never with fresh. Last year, I read somewhere that it was in the same company as sex on the beach, in terms of cocktails whose day has passed.

I could not disagree more. I would not go so far as to say it should be ordered anywhere but the finest establishments, and with an egg white at that, but in my opinion, it is the perfect drink for South LA from March until October.

So what happened? It has been around since the beginning. Its cousin, the Margarita (though also mangled most of the time, especially in Mexican restaurants, but more on that in another post), continues to enjoy unrivaled popularity.

It is an unforgiving drink, in my opinion. This is one cocktail that demands that the balance between sweet, sour, and liquor must be perfect. 99% of the bars in the country don’t do perfect. They throw some rotgut in a glass, get out the trusty gun, and hit the button. That is anything but a Whiskey Sour. It should really have a different name altogether, lest this delicious concoction go the way of Tickle Pink.

As I mentioned in my first post, I have taken to premixing drinks when I go out in BR, so I can just order the ice and booze, and take care of the rest myself. I tried this with a whiskey sour (sans eggwhite), and it just didn’t work. All the proportions need to be right, and if someone else measures, that doesn’t happen.

Where can one get a good sour? In no particular order (and these places will come up again):

Chris McMillan-Bar Uncommon, Pere Marquette
Bar Tonique
Cure
Domenica – sometimes

I still specify eggwhite sour, technically a flip, because enough people are scared of the egg, that it won’t necessarily be there unless you ask. More on the glory of the egg white in another post as well.

Thanks to Chris McMillan for teaching me the right balance.